by Dr. Frederick Peterson

How do I get more in touch with myself as a sexual person?

Becoming more comfortable with the topic of sex and especially more comfortable with oneself sexually is a common reason people pursue sex education opportunities, such as taking a sexuality course or even seeking out the professional services of a sex therapist. In today’s column, this question will be answered without the cost and time of therapy. Over the course of a year, this column will provide most of the information covered in the typical sex education course.

Americans are typically raised in families that do not allow open and honest discussion of sexuality in a positive manner. It is no wonder that most Americans get their information about sex from sources other than parents, teachers, and the church. The practice of children and teenagers seeking out sex information from other sources than those they trust and are closest to is an unfortunate necessity as parents, as a group, do a poor job providing such information and modeling positive communication about sex.

While these circumstances may be slowly changing from one generation to the next, finding ways to become more comfortable with sex and your sexual self is still not easy. After all, sexuality will continue to have taboo status for some time and is different from other topics in school where you might have been lucky enough to have a teacher challenge you and state that he/she doesn’t think you are living up to you potential.  Chances are you never had anyone in your life tell you aren’t living up to your sexual potential.

With a written record, you can also share it with a partner or a therapist if you choose (so your mother might see it, but just be careful your fraternity brothers don’t find it). The most important value in having a written record is that it serves as a “baseline” measure of your sexual self-image to which you can compare future lists. This allows you to evaluate your progress over time in self-acceptance and satisfaction with your self-image.

Since childhood, we have been barraged with literally millions of images and messages that we should be built like either Mr. Universe or a Barbie doll. Almost no one is shaped like these images we are shown to imitate. Not coincidently, most people have poor self-images. The obvious challenge of this sexual self-image exercise is to actively counter our typical self-criticism and balance it with positive self-talk.

Done consistently in a positive manner, this exercise can dramatically improve your sexual self-image. Holding yourself in higher esteem communicates an expectation that that others should as well. Improving your self-image, (especially when combined with increased knowledge about sex and increased ability to self pleasure to the point of climax), can in turn dramatically increase not only your sexual satisfaction but your overall self-esteem.

Of course, no one here is saying shoot for perfection. Don’t get obsessive about it, but having a sense of progress that one is working on better sexual health is beneficial in itself. Better sexual self-image is also just one of many dimensions of sexual health. Check out additional columns for increasing your level of satisfaction for your sexual literacy, your sexual arousal satisfaction, or your satisfaction for the relationship between your sexuality and spirituality.

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