A prophetic teacher, Mark Chironna, said, "Sex is a poor substitute for intimacy." If any of my readers have had sex or have been in love or both, then you know that this insight is true. Often times we use sex to meet our emotional needs. We wonder why the day after, we are left with the same emotional needs--unmet.

Sex is good as an added component in a relationship, but if it serves as the foundation of your relationship, you may lack intimacy. The word 'intimacy' is often used in reference to sexual relations, but there is intimacy that should occur on multiple levels: love together, work together, rest together, play together, eat together, walk together, communicate together, sleep together... If you can not do all of these things and more, then you ought not give your bodies to one another.

An emotional connection is much harder to attain than a sexual one. If you are in a relationship full of sexual attraction, but with little or no emotional connection, then you lack intimacy. To become intimate with another person, is to truly become one with that person--one in mind and one in heart. It is an impulse sometimes, to rush into becoming one body or one flesh with another person, before become one mind and one heart. It awes me to view those relationships--and there are many like this--where the couple argues most of the time, disagree on nearly everything, hate each other for the most part...but enjoy very much, going to bed together; in fact this is the only thing that keeps them together.

Sex is powerful; it can be the binding force in a relationship; it can keep two people connected...in spite of all else that may be out of sync. In fact, it is so powerful, that if flesh intimacy takes place at the wrong time (pre-maturely) or with the wrong person and if the attraction is binding enough, it is possible to find oneself stuck in a scenario, similar to the one described above. By all means enjoy sex with your significant other, but don't use it as a replacement for emotional intimacy; don't use it as a substitute for communication. Don't misuse it and abuse it in a selfish way, caring only for your own instant gratification, while neglecting the feelings of your partner. Don't settle for sex, when you can experience true intimacy in deep meaningful ways.

By Rachel Eagle Reiter, Bach Flower Therapist